But if I had a list, one thing on it would be writing a best seller. Spotting the trend, I'm working on my own books of 1,001 things you MUST do before you die. Mine, however, are doable.

The first in the series will be "1,001 Verbs to Conjugate Before You Die." To be. To walk. To run. To sleep. If you start now and conjugate 20 verbs a day, you'll be done by spring and you can die. Or you can move on to. . .

"1,001 Dogs to Kick Before You Die." This would be difficult if the dogs were breeds, but I take it easy on my reader. Poodle tops the list, of course, because every poodle is asking for it. But my kick list also includes Any Mutt, Any Dog Named Blue, Any Dog Small Enough to Punt and 997 others. Life is short, after all.

Once you've kicked 1,001 dogs, you'll be ready for "1,001 Curses to Scream Before You Die." There's $#$@)$. And $#(@#$@). And even $@)$@#$!$#!#_$! Some people I know could work through this list in an afternoon. Some already do.